A Joke for Today

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andrews
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A Joke for Today

#1 Post by andrews » Fri Jun 19, 2009 8:06 pm

Computer trouble. (This joke was written by someone like me!)



I was having trouble with my computer.

So I called John, the 11 year old next door, and asked him to come over.

His bedroom looks like Mission Control.

John clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?”

He replied, “It was an ID ten T error.”

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,
“An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.”

John grinned, “Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?''

”No”, I replied.

”Write it down,” he said, “.. and I think you'll figure it out.”

So I wrote it down: I D 1 0 T

Little smartass.
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a_person
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Re: A Joke for Today

#2 Post by a_person » Fri Jun 19, 2009 8:15 pm

:lol:
Member No. 2 of the "100 free films in 2015" club. 3 seen, 97 to go!
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MariaLionza

Re: A Joke for Today

#3 Post by MariaLionza » Sun Jun 21, 2009 10:24 am

This is part of the series "A Pearl of Wisdom" that I think got lost on the moving from FMUK to AyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyYBG! as I renamed the site!( :kiss: )

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D- I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

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Re: A Joke for Today

#4 Post by andrews » Sun Jun 21, 2009 4:05 pm

I hope that everyone will read this latest directive from the EU! :D

(No offence to anyone reading this missive)

Read very very slowly and carefully...

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer , ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
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Beate
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Re: A Joke for Today

#5 Post by Beate » Sun Jun 21, 2009 4:07 pm

andrews wrote:
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
He he. :cool:
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Re: A Joke for Today

#6 Post by a_person » Sun Jun 21, 2009 5:32 pm

lol :rofl:
Member No. 2 of the "100 free films in 2015" club. 3 seen, 97 to go!
Realistic target: 5

Preferred cinema list:
1) Cineworld: West India Quays or Greenwich, 02, Vue Westfield - Stratford City or Picturehouse Stratford
2) Picturehouse Greenwich
3) Any central London cinema including Islington (excluding Shepherd's Bush, and Whiteleys unless it's some super duper cool film)
4) Odeon Greenwich or Odeon Surrey Quays

MariaLionza

Re: A Joke for Today

#7 Post by MariaLionza » Mon Jun 22, 2009 11:12 am

Here's today's " Pearl of Wisdom"
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O

Have a lovely day and win lots and lots o/

andrews
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Re: A Joke for Today

#8 Post by andrews » Mon Jun 22, 2009 6:01 pm

The new commander in Iraq hears that a Scottish regiment has a specialized field hospital that's doing fantastic things with the troops. He wants to know what is so special about the place, so he arranges a tour.

When he gets to the ward, it's full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness. He's perplexed, so goes up to the first bed and greets the soldier there.


The patient replies:


"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,

Great chieftain o the puddin race,

Aboon them a ye take yer place,

Painch, tripe or thairm,

As langs my airm."



The general is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.



That soldier responds:



"Some hae meat an canna eat,

And some wad eat that want it,

But we hae meat an we can eat,

So let the Lord be thankit."



Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the commander moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:



"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,

O the panic in thy breasty,

Thou needna start awa sae hastie,

Wi bickering brattle."



Now seriously troubled, the general turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, "Is this a psychiatric ward?"
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Now wait for it!
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"No, not at all," replies the doctor. "This is the Serious Burns unit"
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Re: A Joke for Today

#9 Post by steve9872 » Mon Jun 22, 2009 6:23 pm

:D Thought I recognised it. http://fmuk.dailyforum.net/viewtopic.ph ... 49&#p35649

Still a good joke though. ;)
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My more realistic target is 80 :tears:
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Movie list 2019
29 seen 2018 :X
53 seen 2017 :nono:
61 seen 2016 :tears:
86 seen 2015 8-)
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Looking forward to in 2019: (Jan) Glass (Feb) (mar) Captain Marvel, (apr) Avengers: Endgame ,(May) (jun) Dark Phoenix, MIB: International (Jul) (aug) The new mutants, (sep) (oct) (nov) Kingsman 3 (dec)

andrews
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Re: A Joke for Today

#10 Post by andrews » Mon Jun 22, 2009 7:04 pm

By golly Steve, you're sharp! I must say that I hadn't realised that it had been posted before. But we're on a new site, so maybe no one else will notice....... ;)
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