A Joke for Today
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Re: A Joke for Today
An Italian boy's confession
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"'Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"...
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads!"
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"'Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"...
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads!"
- steve9872
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Re: A Joke for Today
Thought I recognised it.andrews wrote:An Italian boy's confession
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"'Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"...
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads!"
http://www.fmuk.org.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=93
Still good though.
Member number 13 of the 100 free films in 2019 club.
My more realistic target is 80
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Movie list 2019
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53 seen 2017
61 seen 2016
86 seen 2015
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60 seen 2010
Looking forward to in 2019: (Jan) Glass (Feb) (mar) Captain Marvel, (apr) Avengers: Endgame ,(May) (jun) Dark Phoenix, MIB: International (Jul) (aug) The new mutants, (sep) (oct) (nov) Kingsman 3 (dec)
My more realistic target is 80
20 seen so far, Páid for 0
Movie list 2019
29 seen 2018
53 seen 2017
61 seen 2016
86 seen 2015
71 seen 2014
90 seen 2013
77 seen 2012
69 seen 2011
60 seen 2010
Looking forward to in 2019: (Jan) Glass (Feb) (mar) Captain Marvel, (apr) Avengers: Endgame ,(May) (jun) Dark Phoenix, MIB: International (Jul) (aug) The new mutants, (sep) (oct) (nov) Kingsman 3 (dec)
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- Location: Durham
Re: A Joke for Today
You have some memory Steve, whereas, alas, mine appears to be failing.
- RickyRaj
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Re: A Joke for Today
Don't worry Andrews, there is an audit trail on this site so we can remind of who we are and more importantly what you saidandrews wrote:You have some memory Steve, whereas, alas, mine appears to be failing.
Preferred Cinemas: Vue West End, Cineworld Haymarket, Finchley Rd, Odeon West End, Odeon Leicester Square, Cineworld Shaftesbury Ave, Odeon Panton St, Holloway Rd, West India Quays or anywhere in central London.
- steve9872
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Re: A Joke for Today
The search facility helps but I originally thought i'd seen it only a few days ago.andrews wrote:You have some memory Steve, whereas, alas, mine appears to be failing.
Also an error in the link
http://www.fmuk.org.uk/forum/viewtopic. ... 93&p=11875
Member number 13 of the 100 free films in 2019 club.
My more realistic target is 80
20 seen so far, Páid for 0
Movie list 2019
29 seen 2018
53 seen 2017
61 seen 2016
86 seen 2015
71 seen 2014
90 seen 2013
77 seen 2012
69 seen 2011
60 seen 2010
Looking forward to in 2019: (Jan) Glass (Feb) (mar) Captain Marvel, (apr) Avengers: Endgame ,(May) (jun) Dark Phoenix, MIB: International (Jul) (aug) The new mutants, (sep) (oct) (nov) Kingsman 3 (dec)
My more realistic target is 80
20 seen so far, Páid for 0
Movie list 2019
29 seen 2018
53 seen 2017
61 seen 2016
86 seen 2015
71 seen 2014
90 seen 2013
77 seen 2012
69 seen 2011
60 seen 2010
Looking forward to in 2019: (Jan) Glass (Feb) (mar) Captain Marvel, (apr) Avengers: Endgame ,(May) (jun) Dark Phoenix, MIB: International (Jul) (aug) The new mutants, (sep) (oct) (nov) Kingsman 3 (dec)
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- 8 1/2
- Posts: 5628
- Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:36 pm
- Old post count: 1939
- Preferred Cinemas: In order of preference: MetroCentre-Gateshead, Boldon, Gateshead Trinity Square, Newcastle, Middlesbrough, and Tyneside Cinema
- Location: Durham
Re: A Joke for Today
Jim finally decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes. His wife was standing there watching him. After a long period of silence she finally spoke. "Honey, I've been thinking. Now that we are married I think it's time you quit golfing. Maybe you should sell your golf clubs."
Jim got a horrified look on his face.
She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"
”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”
"Ex-wife!" she screamed, "I didn't know you'd been married before!"
”I haven't.”
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes. His wife was standing there watching him. After a long period of silence she finally spoke. "Honey, I've been thinking. Now that we are married I think it's time you quit golfing. Maybe you should sell your golf clubs."
Jim got a horrified look on his face.
She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"
”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”
"Ex-wife!" she screamed, "I didn't know you'd been married before!"
”I haven't.”
- biggins
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Re: A Joke for Today
Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"
Flynn said, "Why would you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"
Flynn said, "Why would you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
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Member No. 23 of the "100 free films in 2019" club 10 seen .
Member no. 23 of the "100 free film Club" 57 seen 2010.
- steve9872
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Re: A Joke for Today
Why Engineers Do Not Fit In Corporates
Member number 13 of the 100 free films in 2019 club.
My more realistic target is 80
20 seen so far, Páid for 0
Movie list 2019
29 seen 2018
53 seen 2017
61 seen 2016
86 seen 2015
71 seen 2014
90 seen 2013
77 seen 2012
69 seen 2011
60 seen 2010
Looking forward to in 2019: (Jan) Glass (Feb) (mar) Captain Marvel, (apr) Avengers: Endgame ,(May) (jun) Dark Phoenix, MIB: International (Jul) (aug) The new mutants, (sep) (oct) (nov) Kingsman 3 (dec)
My more realistic target is 80
20 seen so far, Páid for 0
Movie list 2019
29 seen 2018
53 seen 2017
61 seen 2016
86 seen 2015
71 seen 2014
90 seen 2013
77 seen 2012
69 seen 2011
60 seen 2010
Looking forward to in 2019: (Jan) Glass (Feb) (mar) Captain Marvel, (apr) Avengers: Endgame ,(May) (jun) Dark Phoenix, MIB: International (Jul) (aug) The new mutants, (sep) (oct) (nov) Kingsman 3 (dec)
Re: A Joke for Today
This is too close to the truth, so whilst part of me finds it very funny, for part of me it brings up too many painful memories!!steve9872 wrote:
Why Engineers Do Not Fit In Corporates
Member No. 35 of the "100 free films in 2021" club 2 down 98 to go
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2015: Star Wars, Whiplash, Ex Machina, Minions - 9.5/10
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2012: Muppets, Untouchable, Argo 10/10
2011: ROTPOTA, The Artist, Mi4 - 9.5/10
2010: Kick Ass, Toy Story 3 - 9.5/10
2009: Up 10/10
LOVE FMUK https://youtu.be/62YY4trpDEY
(Hopefully I can beat last years 12! Unlikely to beat 2013’s 91)
2021: A Quiet Place 2 8.5/10
2020: Little Women, Richard Jewell 8.5/10
2019: Wild Rose, Shazam!, Avengers, Eighth Grade, Shaun the Sheep, The Farewell 9/10
2018: Coco, Three Billboards, Missouri, Avengers, MI: Fallout, Quiet Place, Stan & Ollie - 9/10
2017: Paddington 2 10/10
2016: Sing Street, Hunt for the Wilderpeople, I, Daniel Blake, Sully 10/10
2015: Star Wars, Whiplash, Ex Machina, Minions - 9.5/10
2014: Pride, The Imitation Game 10/10
2013: Good Vibrations, Song for Marion, Alan Partridge, Captain Phillips - 9.5/10
2012: Muppets, Untouchable, Argo 10/10
2011: ROTPOTA, The Artist, Mi4 - 9.5/10
2010: Kick Ass, Toy Story 3 - 9.5/10
2009: Up 10/10
LOVE FMUK https://youtu.be/62YY4trpDEY
- RickyRaj
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- Location: London
Re: A Joke for Today
Two eggs, a sausage, and a pancake walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast."
Preferred Cinemas: Vue West End, Cineworld Haymarket, Finchley Rd, Odeon West End, Odeon Leicester Square, Cineworld Shaftesbury Ave, Odeon Panton St, Holloway Rd, West India Quays or anywhere in central London.