A Joke for Today

[claire]

Lady is helping her husband installing his computer, then having completed that successfully, she said that he now should have a password that he would easily remember, so
that he would be able to use his computer when it asked Being a bit of a He man, he winks at his wife and says "penis",
as he enters the password and presses the mouse button, his wife bursts into a hysterical fit of laughter......
The computer responded: "Too Short" entry refused

[claire]

Paddy is stopped by
customs at the airport, carrying two large bulky sacks over his shoulder. They search the sacks & find loads of Mobile phones in them. They ask why does he have all these phones & Paddy replies: "Well, oi was on me travels in Americky & got a call from me mate murphy in cork, he told me he's starting up a jazz band & asked could I bring him back 2 saxophones".

[claire]

Three Irish guys in a pub called Mick, Pat & Tat. Customer comes up to them and says "Are you all related? " Mick says "Yeah we're triplets". çustomer says " Triplets, how come you and Pat are 6ft tall and Tat is only 4ft tall?", "Well," says Mick "Me and Pat were always breast fed so there was no tit for Tat".

[claire]

Paddys wife gave birth to triplets! "How in gods name did that happen says paddy??" His wife replies, "Remember the night i was very dry and we had no vaseline so i used 3 in 1 oil??" "Holy jaysus says paddy, i'm f**king glad we didnt use WD40!!"

[claire]

When travelling in extreme weather conditions the government advise you to carry a shovel, a hazard light, 3 layers of clothing, food, water and a blanket...
I looked a right fool on the bus this morning!!!

[Octopus]

- What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
- Na-cho cheese!

(that was a Kermit joke - though he admitted he didn't invent it)

[andrews]

Beauty make-over

In dire need of a beauty make-over, Nancy went to her salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young, lustrous haired model.

She showed the stylist the trendy new cut she wanted and settled into the chair as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on her thin, graying hair.

Nancy was delighted by his cheerful attitude until she recognized the melody.

It was the theme from "Mission Impossible."

[jcolombi]

Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.

He said it was a whisk he was prepared to take.

[claire]

Ever wandered Why there are no male agony aunts...............


Dear Mark last week I left for work as normal but having only gone a mile my car broke down. So I walked home again & arriving unexpectedly I found my 16yr old babysitter handcuffed to the bed in her school uniform, with my husband bent over her. I am devastated! çan you help?

Dear Sally... A common cause for this is dirt in ur carburettor dont let ur fuel drop 2 low in the tank hope this helps ...Mark

[claire]

Wacha wacha.