A Joke for Today

[steve9872]

http://notalwaysright.com/technically-h ... rate/21435

(Two customers enter the electronics department.)

Me: “Can I help you two with anything?”

Customer: “Yeah, I dropped my phone in the toilet.”

Customer’s Friend: “No, you dropped it in the sink.”

Me: “Well, did you try putting it in a bag of rice?”

Customer: “No, I put it in the microwave.”

Me: “Sir, you aren’t supposed to put electronic devices in the microwave.”

Customer: “I realize that now…it exploded after ten seconds in the thing!”

[SMH827]

How do you make a pirate angry. Take the 'p' out of him.

One for the kids.

[andrews]

I have a little Satnav
It sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are


I have a little Satnav
I've had it all my life
It's better than the normal ones
My Satnav is my wife


It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says
"You're doing thirty five"

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake


It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene


It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.


I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice


It fills me up with counselling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?


Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And keeps me warm in bed!


Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I only wish that now and then
I could turn the bu**er off.

[akh43]

From a friend on facebook

As an aeroplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces “if I am going to die I want to die like a woman” She removes all her clothing and asks“is there someone on the plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?” A man stands up, removes his shirt and says “here, iron this!”

[RickyRaj]

Guys take note:

If you are dating a girl who doesn't like Star Wars puns then you are looking for love in Alderaan places!

[weirdfilms33]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[RickyRaj]

A bit crude but funny:

Has anyone heard of a film called 'Constipation'?

It's not come out yet!

[RickyRaj]

An Indian man has been charged with punching his wife in the face...
Chinda Goodanpropa, from Bradford, denies the charges. The trial continues.

[andrews]

The " Nile " virus is coming .....



I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1960 ....

Symptoms:

1.. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. (Done that!)

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail ! (That too!)

3. Causes you to send an e-mail to the wrong person. (yep!)

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. (Ah-ha!)

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. (Done that!)

6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished. (Oh , no not again!)

7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND". (Hate that!)

8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE." (Oh No!)

It is called the "C-Nile Virus"

[andrews]

Love Story

I will seek and find you.

I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be
relieved when I'm finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

Now get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!