A Joke for Today

[Beate]

Most of it has. And I posted the Pearls of Wisdom before, LOL.

[andrews]

The old jokes are always the best! But I'm telling you all now, I'm not trawling through page after page of jokes on the old site before I post a joke here!

[steve9872]

Neither did I, I just picked a unique word pair and used search. Ended up with just the one result.

[andrews]

Oh - clever, why didn't I think of that?

[destresserai]

Patient: "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor: "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten
people die of the disease you have. "Yours is the tenth case I've treated;
the others all died."

[destresserai]

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the
hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death
experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you
have another 43 years, two months and eight days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift,
liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she
figured she might as well look even nicer. After her last operation, she
was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, an ambulance killed her. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of
the path of that ambulance?" God replied, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you

[destresserai]

A teacher asked a school girl, "How old is your Mother?"
The girl replied, "She is 8 years old."
Teacher: "She can't be! How is she only 8?
Girl: "Because she became a mother when I was born 8 years ago."

[BettyBoop]

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Manchester.

The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago. Red meat is awful.
Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining, Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it.
Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

[destresserai]

A little boy went to his teacher to tell her he found a frog.
The teacher asked if it was alive or dead.
The little boy said that it was dead.
The teacher asked how he knew.
The boy said , "I pissed in its ear."
The teacher said, "You what?"
He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, 'psst!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead."

[destresserai]

Computers can never replace humans........

They may become capable of artificial intelligence, but they will never master real stupidity!