A Joke for Today

[destresserai]

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple
days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard
some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave,
listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony,
being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony,
And it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the
Sixth...the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned
on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the
cemetery. "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

[BettyBoop]

Paddy's fingers


Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally
cut off all 10 of his fingers.

He went to the emergency room in Cork 's hospital.

The doctor looked at Paddy and said,

'Lets be avin' da fingers and I'll see what oi can do'.

Paddy said,

'Oi haven't got da fingers.'

'Whadda ya mean you haven't got da fingers?
Lord Tunderin' Jesus, it's 2009 !
We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques.

I could have put dem back on and made you like new!
Why didn't ya bring da fingers?!?'

And Paddy said,

' How da fock was I 'spose to pick to pick them up!"

[destresserai]

The manager of a large office asked a new employee to come into his office. "What is your name?," was the first thing the manager asked. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled. "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority," he said. "I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling." The manager said, "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you..."

[destresserai]

Confusius say,"Man who stands on toilet is high on pot."

[destresserai]

Q. How do you make holy water?
A. Boil the hell out of it.

[destresserai]

Why did Dorothy get lost in Oz?
She had three men giving her directions.

[tufty]

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left.


A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How
long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the
shop and said, "About 3 hours." They guy left.


A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How
long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and
said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left.


The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bill do me a favor.
Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he
has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."


A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"


Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said...........


"Your house “

[BettyBoop]

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Abbott!
Abbott who?
Abbott time you answered the door!

[BettyBoop]

Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

[BettyBoop]

Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.

Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.

Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.

Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever