A Joke for Today

[canadian_turtle]

[steve9872]

Another from the Not Always Right site:-

(I’m working the outside ticket counter and an elderly woman comes up to b*y a ticket.)

Customer: “I want a ticket to see [movie].”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. That movie’s not showing here.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. I’d like a ticket, please.”

Me: “No, ma’am, we’re not showing that. Did you see it listed in the paper? Sometimes some of the titles get switched around.”

Customer: “No. I saw the commercial for it and it said it was ‘showing at a theater near you’, and this is the closest theater to my house!”

[cinefila1]

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

Signed: Desperate Wife
_________________________________________________

Dear Troubled User:

Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try to enter the command: CI THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files.

DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

Consider b*ying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Keep-a-nice-body 10.1.

Best of luck,

Tech Support

[hugo_macedo]

Lol!

[michelleans]

Went for a meal last night and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail.
I looked around and this bloke shouts 'That's just for starters'!

[McG]

[michelleans]

A guy joins a nudist camp but his mum doesn't believe him.So he sends her a photo of his top half.When his gran wants a pic he sends 1 of his bottom half by mistake,but doesn't worry as she has bad eyesight.Then he receives a letter from her,saying: Your new haircut makes your nose look too big.

[McG]

[michelleans]

Just been to the gym and there's a new machine there.I only used it for about an hour, as I started to feel sick, but it's great: it's got KitKats, Mars bars, crisps and everything in it.

[McG]