A Joke for Today

[andrews]

The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him and asked 'What do you want for Christmas?' 'Something for my mother, please,' replied young lady sweetly. 'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What do would you like me to bring her?' Without pausing, the lady answered quickly, 'A millionaire son-in-law.'

[Octopus]

The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a young lady aged about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him and asked 'What do you want for Christmas?' 'Something for my mother, please,' replied young lady sweetly. 'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What do would you like me to bring her?' Without pausing, the lady answered quickly, 'A millionaire son-in-law.'

I want the same, please, Santa

[anakin]

Why does Santa always go down the chimney?
[spoiler]Because it soots him![/spoiler]
Where does Santa stay when he's on holidays?
[spoiler]At a Ho-ho-tel![/spoiler]
What does Santa put on his toast?
[spoiler]Jingle Jam[/spoiler]
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck?
[spoiler]A Christmas Quacker![/spoiler]

[anakin]

This one is BAD. Sorry.

During one of the Karpov-Kasparov world chess championships they came to an adjournment and left for their hotel.

In the lobby of the hotel several chess enthusiasts could be heard bragging, "I could beat Karpov with no problem". "Oh yeah, I could beat both of them at the same time." "That's nothing, I could beat both of them blindfolded!"

Finally, the hotel manager had had enough and threw them all out of the hotel.

"But why?" a bystander asked.

"Because," the manager replied [spoiler]"I hate ..."chess nuts boasting by an open foyer!"[/spoiler]

[anakin]

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.

"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.

"That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.

"Thats still quite a bit," Tom groused.

Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.

Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something real cheap."

So...[spoiler]the clerk handed him a mirror.[/spoiler]

[claire]

What do you give a train driver for Christmas?
[spoiler]Platform shoes[/spoiler]

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?

[spoiler]Ribbon hood[/spoiler]

If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
[spoiler]Missle-toe[/spoiler]

[claire]

The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable.
"Jesus Christ!" he shouted.
Joseph said, "Write that down, Mary; it's better than Clyde!"

[McG]

Great jokes, folks!

[andrews]

Loving all these jokes - keep them coming everyone!

[andrews]