A Joke for Today

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McG
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Re: A Joke for Today

#441 Post by McG » Thu Dec 08, 2011 5:21 pm

andrews wrote:2011's First Christmas Joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The man from Mussleburgh fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The man from Leith reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Edinburgh man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The Edinburgh man replied, 'These are Carols.'

:bwl:


And So The Christmas Season Begins......
Preferred cinemas: Best: Glasgow Quay, Glasgow Braehead, Glasgow Renfield Street, Glasgow Fort & Paisley
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Re: A Joke for Today

#442 Post by Octopus » Thu Dec 08, 2011 6:07 pm

:shifty:
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andrews
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Re: A Joke for Today

#443 Post by andrews » Sun Dec 11, 2011 8:28 am

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?

Deep pan, crisp and even! :xmas:
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andrews
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Re: A Joke for Today

#444 Post by andrews » Sun Dec 11, 2011 8:30 am

What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?

Tarizpan! :xmas:
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andrews
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Re: A Joke for Today

#445 Post by andrews » Sun Dec 11, 2011 9:02 am

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McG
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Re: A Joke for Today

#446 Post by McG » Sun Dec 11, 2011 9:15 pm

An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $20 bill.
Which one picked it up?? :rolleyes:
[spoiler]Santa. :xmas: The other 2 don't exist.[/spoiler]
Preferred cinemas: Best: Glasgow Quay, Glasgow Braehead, Glasgow Renfield Street, Glasgow Fort & Paisley
Others I'd go to: Glasgow Showcase Baillieston

Films already booked for:

Hope to get tickets for: Every film if they come to my preferred cinemas

Member of the 100 Free Films of 2019.
Aim will again be 150. 54 seen: 96 to go.

Member no.9 again for the 100 Free Films of 2018.
My aim will be 150. 143 seen, 07 to go.

Member No. 9 again for the 100 Free Films in 2017. 156 seen, 0 to go
Member no.9 of the 100 Free Films in 2016: 135 seen 0 to go
Member no.9 of the 100 Free Films in 2015: 72 28 to go
Member no. 9 of the 100 Free Films in 2014; 85 seen 15 to go!
Member No. 9 of the "100 Free Films in 2013" ; 89 seen 11 to go!
Member No. 9 of the "100 free films in 2012" club. 86 seen 14 short of 100!
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Re: A Joke for Today

#447 Post by Octopus » Sun Dec 11, 2011 9:20 pm

MGellatly wrote:An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $20 bill.
Which one picked it up?? :rolleyes:
[spoiler]Santa. :xmas: The other 2 don't exist.[/spoiler]
I literaly laughed at that joke, my colleagues think I'm crazy as I was laughing alone...
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McG
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Re: A Joke for Today

#448 Post by McG » Sun Dec 11, 2011 9:24 pm

Yippee! :cheer: I made someone laugh!
Preferred cinemas: Best: Glasgow Quay, Glasgow Braehead, Glasgow Renfield Street, Glasgow Fort & Paisley
Others I'd go to: Glasgow Showcase Baillieston

Films already booked for:

Hope to get tickets for: Every film if they come to my preferred cinemas

Member of the 100 Free Films of 2019.
Aim will again be 150. 54 seen: 96 to go.

Member no.9 again for the 100 Free Films of 2018.
My aim will be 150. 143 seen, 07 to go.

Member No. 9 again for the 100 Free Films in 2017. 156 seen, 0 to go
Member no.9 of the 100 Free Films in 2016: 135 seen 0 to go
Member no.9 of the 100 Free Films in 2015: 72 28 to go
Member no. 9 of the 100 Free Films in 2014; 85 seen 15 to go!
Member No. 9 of the "100 Free Films in 2013" ; 89 seen 11 to go!
Member No. 9 of the "100 free films in 2012" club. 86 seen 14 short of 100!
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Re: A Joke for Today

#449 Post by andrews » Sun Dec 11, 2011 9:26 pm

MGellatly wrote:Yippee! :cheer: I made someone laugh!
And me too, MGellatly! :D
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McG
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Re: A Joke for Today

#450 Post by McG » Sun Dec 11, 2011 9:26 pm

What do you call a kitty on the beach on Christmas morning?
[spoiler]Sandy Claws :xmas:[/spoiler]
Preferred cinemas: Best: Glasgow Quay, Glasgow Braehead, Glasgow Renfield Street, Glasgow Fort & Paisley
Others I'd go to: Glasgow Showcase Baillieston

Films already booked for:

Hope to get tickets for: Every film if they come to my preferred cinemas

Member of the 100 Free Films of 2019.
Aim will again be 150. 54 seen: 96 to go.

Member no.9 again for the 100 Free Films of 2018.
My aim will be 150. 143 seen, 07 to go.

Member No. 9 again for the 100 Free Films in 2017. 156 seen, 0 to go
Member no.9 of the 100 Free Films in 2016: 135 seen 0 to go
Member no.9 of the 100 Free Films in 2015: 72 28 to go
Member no. 9 of the 100 Free Films in 2014; 85 seen 15 to go!
Member No. 9 of the "100 Free Films in 2013" ; 89 seen 11 to go!
Member No. 9 of the "100 free films in 2012" club. 86 seen 14 short of 100!
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