A Joke for Today
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McG
- 8 1/2
- Posts: 8986
- Joined: Mon Apr 18, 2011 9:18 pm
- Old post count: 0
- Preferred Cinemas: Paisley, Braehead, Glasgow Odeon & Cineworld
- Location: Paisley
Re: A Joke for Today
Preferred cinemas: Best: Glasgow Quay, Glasgow Braehead, Glasgow Renfield Street, Glasgow Fort & Paisley
Others I'd go to: Glasgow Showcase Baillieston
Films already booked for:
Hope to get tickets for: Every film if they come to my preferred cinemas
Member of the 100 Free Films of 2019.
Aim will again be 150. 54 seen: 96 to go.
Member no.9 again for the 100 Free Films of 2018.
My aim will be 150. 143 seen, 07 to go.
Member No. 9 again for the 100 Free Films in 2017. 156 seen, 0 to go
Member no.9 of the 100 Free Films in 2016: 135 seen 0 to go
Member no.9 of the 100 Free Films in 2015: 72 28 to go
Member no. 9 of the 100 Free Films in 2014; 85 seen 15 to go!
Member No. 9 of the "100 Free Films in 2013" ; 89 seen 11 to go!
Member No. 9 of the "100 free films in 2012" club. 86 seen 14 short of 100!
Others I'd go to: Glasgow Showcase Baillieston
Films already booked for:
Hope to get tickets for: Every film if they come to my preferred cinemas
Member of the 100 Free Films of 2019.
Aim will again be 150. 54 seen: 96 to go.
Member no.9 again for the 100 Free Films of 2018.
My aim will be 150. 143 seen, 07 to go.
Member No. 9 again for the 100 Free Films in 2017. 156 seen, 0 to go
Member no.9 of the 100 Free Films in 2016: 135 seen 0 to go
Member no.9 of the 100 Free Films in 2015: 72 28 to go
Member no. 9 of the 100 Free Films in 2014; 85 seen 15 to go!
Member No. 9 of the "100 Free Films in 2013" ; 89 seen 11 to go!
Member No. 9 of the "100 free films in 2012" club. 86 seen 14 short of 100!
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ramaloo
Re: A Joke for Today
Christmas Kiss
Romeo: What would it take to make you kiss me under the mistletoe?
Juliette: An anaesthetic.
Romeo: What would it take to make you kiss me under the mistletoe?
Juliette: An anaesthetic.
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McG
- 8 1/2
- Posts: 8986
- Joined: Mon Apr 18, 2011 9:18 pm
- Old post count: 0
- Preferred Cinemas: Paisley, Braehead, Glasgow Odeon & Cineworld
- Location: Paisley
Re: A Joke for Today
How Was Your Christmas Meal?
We had grandma for Christmas dinner.
Really?
We had turkey.
Reindeer Joke
What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
This will sleigh you.
Christmas Joke Pizza
Good King Wenceslas phoned Domino's for a pizza.
The salesgirl asked him:-
'Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?'
Thought: Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present!
We had grandma for Christmas dinner.
Really?
We had turkey.
Reindeer Joke
What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
This will sleigh you.
Christmas Joke Pizza
Good King Wenceslas phoned Domino's for a pizza.
The salesgirl asked him:-
'Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?'
Thought: Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present!
Preferred cinemas: Best: Glasgow Quay, Glasgow Braehead, Glasgow Renfield Street, Glasgow Fort & Paisley
Others I'd go to: Glasgow Showcase Baillieston
Films already booked for:
Hope to get tickets for: Every film if they come to my preferred cinemas
Member of the 100 Free Films of 2019.
Aim will again be 150. 54 seen: 96 to go.
Member no.9 again for the 100 Free Films of 2018.
My aim will be 150. 143 seen, 07 to go.
Member No. 9 again for the 100 Free Films in 2017. 156 seen, 0 to go
Member no.9 of the 100 Free Films in 2016: 135 seen 0 to go
Member no.9 of the 100 Free Films in 2015: 72 28 to go
Member no. 9 of the 100 Free Films in 2014; 85 seen 15 to go!
Member No. 9 of the "100 Free Films in 2013" ; 89 seen 11 to go!
Member No. 9 of the "100 free films in 2012" club. 86 seen 14 short of 100!
Others I'd go to: Glasgow Showcase Baillieston
Films already booked for:
Hope to get tickets for: Every film if they come to my preferred cinemas
Member of the 100 Free Films of 2019.
Aim will again be 150. 54 seen: 96 to go.
Member no.9 again for the 100 Free Films of 2018.
My aim will be 150. 143 seen, 07 to go.
Member No. 9 again for the 100 Free Films in 2017. 156 seen, 0 to go
Member no.9 of the 100 Free Films in 2016: 135 seen 0 to go
Member no.9 of the 100 Free Films in 2015: 72 28 to go
Member no. 9 of the 100 Free Films in 2014; 85 seen 15 to go!
Member No. 9 of the "100 Free Films in 2013" ; 89 seen 11 to go!
Member No. 9 of the "100 free films in 2012" club. 86 seen 14 short of 100!
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andrews
- 8 1/2
- Posts: 5628
- Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:36 pm
- Old post count: 1939
- Preferred Cinemas: In order of preference: MetroCentre-Gateshead, Boldon, Gateshead Trinity Square, Newcastle, Middlesbrough, and Tyneside Cinema
- Location: Durham
Re: A Joke for Today
A Christmas story
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Not a lot of people know this.
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Not a lot of people know this.
Member Number 3 of the "100 Free Films in 2018 Club"
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evilzadi
- Se7en
- Posts: 3801
- Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2010 7:39 pm
- Old post count: 0
- Preferred Cinemas: Greenwich, Wimbledon, Leicester Sqr
Re: A Joke for Today
Love it 
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Sponsor me HERE
Member No. 32 of the "100 free films in 2014" club
Target: 35, Seen so far: 3 Scores
28 seen in 2013
31 seen in 2012
Sponsor me HERE
Member No. 32 of the "100 free films in 2014" club Target: 35, Seen so far: 3 Scores
28 seen in 2013
31 seen in 2012
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andrews
- 8 1/2
- Posts: 5628
- Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:36 pm
- Old post count: 1939
- Preferred Cinemas: In order of preference: MetroCentre-Gateshead, Boldon, Gateshead Trinity Square, Newcastle, Middlesbrough, and Tyneside Cinema
- Location: Durham
Re: A Joke for Today
What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder!
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
What's an ig?
An eskimo's home without a loo!
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
Where do snowmen go to dance?
Snowballs!
How do snowmen travel around ?
By iceicle !
What sort of ball doesn't bounce ?
A snowball !
How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed ?
You wake up wet !
What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark ?
Frost bite !
How do you call an Eskimo cow ?
An Eskimoo !
She gave him the cold shoulder!
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps!
What's an ig?
An eskimo's home without a loo!
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
Where do snowmen go to dance?
Snowballs!
How do snowmen travel around ?
By iceicle !
What sort of ball doesn't bounce ?
A snowball !
How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed ?
You wake up wet !
What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark ?
Frost bite !
How do you call an Eskimo cow ?
An Eskimoo !
Member Number 3 of the "100 Free Films in 2018 Club"
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ramaloo
Re: A Joke for Today
Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a Christmas bell!
Just take these pills and if they don't work, give me a ring!
Just take these pills and if they don't work, give me a ring!
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ramaloo
Re: A Joke for Today
Doctor, Doctor, I'm scared of Father Christmas
Doctor: You're suffering from Claus-trophobia.
Doctor: You're suffering from Claus-trophobia.
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ramaloo
Re: A Joke for Today
Dear Father Christmas, could you please send me some Crocodile shoes!
Father Christmas: Can't do that one. He hasn't said what size his crocodile takes!
Father Christmas: Can't do that one. He hasn't said what size his crocodile takes!