A Joke for Today

[andrews]

[anakin]

Anakin, link to an image online by bracketing the link with img /img syntax with [] around them. I cant show it exactly otherwise the image will repeat!

Thanks TCMMGlass - not sure why I didn't just "quote" someone and see how they'd done it. Incredibly simple! Shall upload my M&M later!

[andrews]

[TheyCallMeMrGlass]

[andrews]

[TheyCallMeMrGlass]

[TheyCallMeMrGlass]

[anakin]

collaboration between man and woman

Here's a prime example of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus";
offered by an English professor from the University of Colorado for
an actual class assignment:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with
a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each
person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate
right.

As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a
short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send
another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and
then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also
sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third
paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep
the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of
the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e -
mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been
reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca and Gary.


THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs,
keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if
she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So
chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to
think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "
A.S . Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
communicator. " Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so
far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed
out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The
jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across
the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he
felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one
woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of
Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space
Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news
simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and
carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her
from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around
her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
pondered wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched
the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy
peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty
through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the
hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race.
Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships
were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the
entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their
diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere
unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the
inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvin istic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic
whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
"Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--
KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who
reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

As*h@le.

(Gary)

B*tch!

(Rebecca)

F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

(Gary)

In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.

(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one.

[biggins]

Lil' Johnny's Early Dismissal From School

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really
nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.


Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."


Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."


Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"


Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."


Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."


Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.


Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"


Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."


Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."


Johnny is even madder than before.


Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"


Before Johnny can open his mouth,Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."



Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."


Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.


When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"


The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"


Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

[TheyCallMeMrGlass]

LOL. I think you just posted the only xmas joke thats also bang upto date with current events!