A Joke for Today
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weirdfilms33
- The Sixth Sense
- Posts: 1433
- Joined: Mon Aug 17, 2009 8:09 pm
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Re: A Joke for Today
A bit off topic but I quite like this remark made by a BBC newsreader a few days ago:
"Coalitions are rather like sausages. It's probably better not to see how they are made."
"Coalitions are rather like sausages. It's probably better not to see how they are made."
Go ahead, make my day - by visiting my blog: http://jacobthehobnob.wordpress.com/
Member number 33 of the "100 free films in 2012" club. I saw 32, which is rather delightful.. I beat Mr. Glass on free films but he narrowly inched me out on total films seen.
Member number 33 of the "100 free films in 2011" club. I saw 20, interestingly enough. My more realistic target was to see more free films than TheyCallMeMrGlass. I lost.
Member number 33 of the "100 free films in 2012" club. I saw 32, which is rather delightful.. I beat Mr. Glass on free films but he narrowly inched me out on total films seen.
Member number 33 of the "100 free films in 2011" club. I saw 20, interestingly enough. My more realistic target was to see more free films than TheyCallMeMrGlass. I lost.
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andrews
- 8 1/2
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Re: A Joke for Today
AIDS WARNING !
To all of you approaching 50 or who have REACHED 50 and past, this one is especially for you..........
SENIOR CITIZENS ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!
HEARING AIDS
BAND AIDS
ROLL AIDS
WALKING AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS
MOST OF ALL,
FINANCIAL AID TO THEIR CHILDREN!
Not forgetting HIV
(Hair Is Vanishing)
To all of you approaching 50 or who have REACHED 50 and past, this one is especially for you..........
SENIOR CITIZENS ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!
HEARING AIDS
BAND AIDS
ROLL AIDS
WALKING AIDS
MEDICAL AIDS
GOVERNMENT AIDS
MOST OF ALL,
FINANCIAL AID TO THEIR CHILDREN!
Not forgetting HIV
(Hair Is Vanishing)
Member Number 3 of the "100 Free Films in 2018 Club"
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weliveandbreathewords
- Se7en
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- Preferred Cinemas: Any Birmingham
- Location: Birmingham
Re: A Joke for Today
Shadowhunters: Looking better in black than the widows of our enemies since 1234.
I am, after all, what you made me.
Formerly known as rawr_xoxo
Member No. 48 of the "100 free films in 2015" club. 35 SEEN!
Member No. 48 of the "100 free films in 2014" club. 34 SEEN!
Member No. 48 of the "100 free films in 2013" club. 120 SEEN!
Member No. 48 of the "100 free films in 2012" club. 111 SEEN.
Member No. 48 of the "100 free films in 2011" club. 77 SEEN.
I will be seeing:
I am, after all, what you made me.
Formerly known as rawr_xoxo
Member No. 48 of the "100 free films in 2015" club. 35 SEEN!
Member No. 48 of the "100 free films in 2014" club. 34 SEEN!
Member No. 48 of the "100 free films in 2013" club. 120 SEEN!
Member No. 48 of the "100 free films in 2012" club. 111 SEEN.
Member No. 48 of the "100 free films in 2011" club. 77 SEEN.
I will be seeing:
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andrews
- 8 1/2
- Posts: 5628
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- Preferred Cinemas: In order of preference: MetroCentre-Gateshead, Boldon, Gateshead Trinity Square, Newcastle, Middlesbrough, and Tyneside Cinema
- Location: Durham
Re: A Joke for Today
DIVORCE versus MURDER
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to b*y some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law!
I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I'd like to b*y some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law!
I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Member Number 3 of the "100 Free Films in 2018 Club"
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andrews
- 8 1/2
- Posts: 5628
- Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:36 pm
- Old post count: 1939
- Preferred Cinemas: In order of preference: MetroCentre-Gateshead, Boldon, Gateshead Trinity Square, Newcastle, Middlesbrough, and Tyneside Cinema
- Location: Durham
Re: A Joke for Today
After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.
'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.
'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.
'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.
'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.
She whispers in his ear
'That's me before the surgery.' ...
He begins to worry.
'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks.
'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues.
'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear.
'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.
'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands.
She whispers in his ear
'That's me before the surgery.' ...
Member Number 3 of the "100 Free Films in 2018 Club"
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andrews
- 8 1/2
- Posts: 5628
- Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:36 pm
- Old post count: 1939
- Preferred Cinemas: In order of preference: MetroCentre-Gateshead, Boldon, Gateshead Trinity Square, Newcastle, Middlesbrough, and Tyneside Cinema
- Location: Durham
Re: A Joke for Today
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.
Member Number 3 of the "100 Free Films in 2018 Club"
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andrews
- 8 1/2
- Posts: 5628
- Joined: Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:36 pm
- Old post count: 1939
- Preferred Cinemas: In order of preference: MetroCentre-Gateshead, Boldon, Gateshead Trinity Square, Newcastle, Middlesbrough, and Tyneside Cinema
- Location: Durham
Re: A Joke for Today
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
Member Number 3 of the "100 Free Films in 2018 Club"