A Joke for Today

[aasha]

I Want to b*y That
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can b*y the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

[weliveandbreathewords]

3 men were drunk, so they called a taxi.
The taxi driver figured that they were drunk,so he just switched on the engine and switched it off again and told them, 'we ve arrived'.
The first guy gave him money
the second guy said thanks, but the third guy slapped him.
The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them would have realized that the car didn't move an inch.
So he asked,what was that for?
Control your speed next time, you almost killed us.

[Spring]

I got run over by a train today...my own fault though...i was wearing PLATFORMS!!!

[Razam]

Q.What starts with a 'C', ends with a 'T', and is hairy on the outside and wet on the inside?


A.Coconut.... What were you thinking?

[aasha]

Blonde at Football Game
A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.

She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."

"What did you not understand ?"

And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

[weirdfilms33]

[Razam]

1. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
2. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
3. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
4. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
5. He who laughs last; thinks slowest.
6. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
7. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.
8. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
9. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
10. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
11. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
12. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
13. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
14. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
15. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
16. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
17. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
18. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the hell happened?'
19. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
20. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
21. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

[weliveandbreathewords]

oh razam i bloody love your post :)
some are so true!

[Razam]

Japanese student has just arrived to the UK & while he is trying to exchange his yen for pounds, He gets very irritated with the post office clerk.

"Why it change? Yestelday I get two hundled pow fol my yen!
Today I get hundled eighty? Why it change?"

The clerk shrugged her shoulders, looks at him and says. "Fluctuations."

The student yells back, "Fluc you engyish people too!"

[funthing29]

The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.

A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...

"Shit" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.